Homeless Gauntlet

I made a run through the Homeless Gauntlet today (no it's not some wacky new reality show, but it could be, and no it has no relation to the MTV Gauntlet, although those participants are most likely homeless too). This gauntlet was encountered on my way from the office to the parking garage in downtown (this was not my first brush with the homeless).I have created an illustration for your viewing enjoyment.

Let me explain how this perfect storm of homelessness happened. I decided that on my way home from work that I would cut through the library courtyard, then across the City Hall reflection pond, and then traverse the park under which my vehicle was parked. Bad moves all around.

Passing through the library courtyard, first was the long-range panhandler, or LRP. LRPs asks for change while seated at a distance greater than 50 yards. I give him the obligatory "no thanks, sorry" wave, and he unleashes a torrent of indecipherable profanity while explaining how I don't understand. It's not that I don't understand, it's that I can't even hear what he is saying. You're just too far away to make me feel uncomfortable, so I keep going...

As I pass through the library courtyard I feel the eyes of all of them looking at me and my tucked-in shirt. I'm not sure what to do. Just keep moving. Keep moving.

Finally across the library property, I pause at the cross-walk with a young lady. As we both wait for the traffic to pass, I notice that she is looking at me. So I glance her way and didn't notice anything out of the ordinary - normal clothes, hair, etc.. But then, she cracks a smile. We will just call her "Teeth but no Teeth".

Now lightly jogging across the park in front of city hall, up ahead lies a man feeding the pigeons. I gently cirsumvent (look it up, or even better listen to #20) the situation but manage to scare the pigeons off. This elicited a cackle from the man feeding the birds, and I have to say he kind of resembled a bird. Let's call him "The Penguin". I think the birds returned, but maybe they didn't and I feel socially responsible.

Getting across the last park is the last step. Everyone is asleep like lions in a den, but one misplaced step, crack of the twig, or swoosh of the pants will awaken them. I am now in the homestretch, and as I wind the blind corner and dive into the stairwell I come across the last of the sleeping lions. Stepping around his bags I make a clean break for my car. I hope to see all my new friends tomorrow.